Class of 2008

We graduated!

We each have an official certificate stating that we are a MAPP Trained Family. (I would post the certificate as proof if I could get my scanner to work). I also now know that MAPP stands for Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting, although I’m still not exactly sure what that means. Regardless, we are trained and certified.

Frankly, I’m shocked.

I’m shocked we stuck it out through 30 hours of Wednesday nights and Saturdays (California weekend time I’ll never see again). I’m shocked we didn’t run screaming from the building as the social workers piled us higher and higher with information that I’m sure was designed to terrify us—which it did. I’m shocked that Jose wasn’t forcibly ejected from the classroom for arguing with the trainer on her principles of parenting versus his hands-on experience. It was ugly there for a while, but a truce was reached and he got the biggest round of applause at graduation.

So what have I learned?

1. Adopting from foster care is not for the faint of heart. (The first agency told us this at the orientation and they weren’t kidding.)

2. Foster children are special and therefore can’t be parented using the usual methods. Some of the techniques go against all parenting instinct, but children who’ve been hurt don’t behave the same as children who feel safe.

3. Adopting children from foster care will be heartbreaking. Even if “Adela” or some other perfect child is placed in my care, there’s no guarantee that she will get to stay until the judge says so. And if she goes back to her birth family, I have to trust that it’s the best thing for her, even if I’m sure it’s not.

4. Foster children come as a package which may include any or all of the following relationships: birth parents with court ordered visits, siblings placed with other foster families, previous foster families, therapists, lawyers, social workers. These relationships do not end even if adoption takes place. My peaceful little life will be filled with other people, whether I like it or not.

5. With love, care, patience, and sometimes creativity, a child can heal from even the most unimaginable beginnings.

6. Adopting from foster care is not for the faint of heart.

And so, Jose and I will take our adoption vacation, evaluate the information, analyze our motivations, discuss if this is really the right road for us, and then, more than likely, go ahead anyway, because now we’ve been educated, there’s no way we could not do this.